The Last Man Super Bowl Challenge 2017

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. My least favorite day of the year.

I’ve never liked sports. Watching grown, sweaty men chase after a ball always seemed like one of the most pointless things in existence. Even as a kid, I never understood how the masses of sheep just swallow up that garbage.

The worst offender here in America is football. Sure, people enjoy watching the other sports like baseball, basketball, hockey, etc. But football? Well, it’s basically a religion in this country. People wake up early on Sundays to go to church, then they come home to mindlessly zone out and watch whatever game is on.

Then comes Super Bowl Sunday, which is like Christmas or Easter to the followers of Footballism.

Except I hate football. If Super Bowl Sunday is Christmas, then I’m Ebenezer Scrooge.

Before I was born, my mother always thought all men liked football. I proved her wrong.

You know how some people have a strong passion in favor of a specific team? I have exactly that same passion, except it’s all directed at hating football in general.

“But the Super Bowl is more than just football! That’s when they air all the hilarious commercials!” That’s another thing I’ve heard over and over.

Except I also hate commercials. Modern society is way too over-commercialized.

So when you put football and commercials together? Well, that’s just a big bowl of shittiness.

It’s crazy to me that some people actually watch the Super Bowl just for the commercials. Seriously? I actively avoid avertising. As a kid, I would tape my usual TV shows so I could fast forward through the commercials. Today, I frequently pirate watch my shows online, commercial-free. I make sure Adblock is installed on all of my computers so I can avoid all ads online.

So it’s mind boggling when people tell me they just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. What a fucking waste of time.

I want absolutely no part of this Super Bowl bullshit. I don’t want to know who’s playing, where they’re playing, or anything about the outcome of the game.

Except society won’t let me.

The Super Bowl is all anyone wants to talk about the day after.

I hated it growing up. The Super Bowl is literally the only thing the other kids in school wanted to talk about. Either that, or the dumb commercials that aired during the game. But I spent my time on more useful endeavors, like playing with Legos. I had nothing to contribute to their dumb discussions about that dumb game. So I was always ostracized from the other kids.

As an adult, the thing now is Super Bowl parties. Yay! If I want any kind of social life on Super Bowl Sunday, it revolves around getting together to eat shitty food and pretending to be interested in watching 200 pound men run into each other when they’re not standing around scratching their jock-itch.

No thanks. I’ll be spending the evening playing video games in my underwear while shunning the world.

And literally, I have to shun the entire world. If I want to avoid learning who won the Super Bowl, I have to avoid LITERALLY all social media. A complete media blackout. That means no Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram. I can’t check any news sites or forums, lest I accidentally be infested with the Knowledge. Even when I take every precaution I can think of to avoid finding out who won, the Knowledge still somehow finds me.

This challenge of avoiding the Knowledge of who won the Super Bowl is collectively referred to as “Last Man”. I’ve been informally playing it the last couple of years. But since I’ve returned to blogging, I can now publicly announce my participation in the challenge this year.

Last year, I had hoped to make it one full week without learning the outcome of the 2016 Super Bowl. But I couldn’t even make it 24 hours. Fortunately, I don’t remember any more who won last year. And I don’t fucking give a shit, either.

My goal is the same this year. I want to make it one week without learning the Knowledge. Although preferably, I’d never find out who won.

I will update this blog post when and if I learn the Knowledge this year.

Wish me luck!

Oh, and I hope your team loses.

Update: 2017-02-06, 5:30 PM EST

I may know who won. I momentarily saw a post on the Roosh V Forum thread dedicated to playing Last Man saying, “Take a look at my avatar for who won”. Without thinking, I glanced over for a fraction of a second and saw a swirl of red and blue. I don’t know what the logos look like for each team, so I’m not completely sure yet who won.

However, the colors of red and blue may be a give-away based on my knowledge of which teams were playing. Though since this is America, I figure there’s a good chance EVERY team has elements of the flag colors in their logos. The RVF poster also had a troll icon in his post, so there is a chance he’s trolling. Which means there’s also a chance the logo may not even belong to one of the teams that were playing.

Still, I’m going to estimate my chances of knowing the winner of the Super Bowl at 75%.

Fuck, it hasn’t even been 24 hours yet. I’m going to be so pissed if it turns out I actually do know the winner. If there’s one place I thought would be a safe space for avoiding the Knowledge, it’d be a forum thread dedicated to avoiding the Knowledge. Fucking trolls.